30 freaking days of marriage. It’s really hard to even believe that I’m married in the first place! For a while, I was a single gal envisioning my life surrounded by puppies and my girlfriends in a West Village apartment emulating Carrie Bradshaw. Then… life had other plans in store for me. It was a random night out on the town that I met my now husband – but I’ll save that story for another time!
Since day one of meeting my husband, I knew my plans were going to change! Now, here I am writing my first blog about my first month of marriage.
Here are the ten things I have learned in this short month (& the planning process):
1.Your wedding day may or may not be your best day ever.
For me, it was the best day ever! I truly felt so much freaking love in our room and was just over the moon with how everything went. It truly was just how I thought it would be as a little girl. Luckily, we had a kick ass planner (shout out to Jamie Lipman from Absolute Events) so everything was pretty smooth sailing! My cheeks hurt from how much I was smiling all day and night. However, that is so not the case for everyone. I could 10000% see how women (and men) end up not enjoying their day – it is stressful, there are a lot of moving parts, and many different dynamics and personalities all coming together. Maybe your best day ever will be on your honeymoon when you are done with all the wedding BS or maybe it’s when you get back and finally relax again. There are so many days ahead that will be your best days, so if your wedding day wasn’t all you imagined – don’t stress. There is nothing you can do to change it, except make new memories and remember that the most important part of the day was marrying your best friend surrounded by your loved ones.
2. Nothing has changed
Unless you did things very traditionally, odds are you were/are already living with your significant other before marriage – and probably even before a proposal! My husband and I lived together for 2 1/2ish years before we tied the knot, the first year was before we were even engaged. I am such a firm believer in living with your s/o before any more commitments! You really get to see the ins and outs of that persons life and you get to learn so many more things about each other. Because we were fortunate enough to have that experience not much has changed – I didn’t learn any new dirty sock habits nor have I had to had worry about also adjusting to living with someone. We still love each other just as fiercely, just now, with a new title. But seriously – our day to day life is still the exact same.
3. Everything changes
Okay, so I know I just said nothing changes and it doesn’t. But, at the same time, it all changes. You are now husband and wife! I think waking up and calling Dan my husband is one of the more fun changes to our relationship. I also really like referring to him as my husband when I talk to other people – it’s probably just a newlywed thing but I’m certainly basking in it! For some reason people seem to take you more seriously as a couple when you are married. For us, most of the big changes were made prior to marriage – like buying a house together & combining funds. We got lucky that we got that all out of the way, first, but those are two major things that most usually don’t experience until after the wedding. Even if you have done that stuff already, you have to discuss finances more seriously than you had before, file taxes together, and get your name changed.
4. Communication is key!
I, personally, had never been a fan of serious conversations – which was probably why I would always dip out on relationships before having to have a talk. However, with Dan, I wanted it to work – and I still do – so those uncomfortable talks are NECESSARY. There is so much that goes on, especially during wedding planning, that it is very easy to just decide to let things go, and there are many things worth letting go, but there are also things that are not. Talking with your partner is the key to a successful marriage. Especially when it comes to talks about families, don’t wait until the last minute to have those chats or else things don’t always go as planned. Situations forced us to have these talks during our engagement and now it’s very nice knowing that its not a stress weighing on us. I know many girls who let things go during planning then after getting married, they unraveled at the seams. If something is bothering you, do not be afraid to speak up. THIS IS YOUR HUSBAND/WIFE. You made a commitment to be with each other forever, you need to talk it out.
5. DATE YOUR SPOUSE
One more time for those in the back… DATE YOUR SPOUSE! When we got home from our honeymoon it was a gross, rude awakening back to real life after almost 2 weeks of bliss. IT SUCKED. Seriously – worst transition ever. However, just because you’re married doesn’t mean you have to be a “boring, old married couple.” Now that wedding planning is out of the way, there is so much more time to enjoy yourselves. It is so important to take some time (once a week/every other week) to have just you and your man. You’re probably thinking – I live with him – every night is just me and him. & Sure, it probably is.. but it probably also includes your phones or the tv. Take the time to put all the crap away, open a bottle of wine/crack open a beer, and just hang with your husband the same way you did when you first started dating. Whether you’ve been together a year or 10 years there is always something new to learn about them. Go on dates, go on double dates, go on group dates, whatever. JUST DO SOMETHING OTHER THAN NETFLIX AND CHILL.
6. Married life is fun
Dear people married for a long time – don’t ruin this for me. I think marriage is fun! Sure, we don’t do things much differently than we did before, but something about being married just makes life a little more exciting. Especially only being a month in, people are still congratulating us and celebrating us!
7. Still confused
I asked Dan on our honeymoon if he wants me to have dinner ready when he gets home from work now that we’re married. He thought that was the most absurd thing I’ve ever said, but seriously! This “wife” role is new to me and I’m not sure what it is that’s expected. When you look at society it’s two extremes – one saying “Go to work, do you boo, and the hubby will deal with it,” the other being “Keep a clean house, hot meals on the table, and the kids clean – the man will bring home the bacon.” WTF. So what do I do? I feel like now, being a wife, things should change/be different, I should do things differently. But why? Dan married me knowing exactly who I am and what I do so why should I flip my whole world upside down? I definitely feel the pressures of society (and instagram) telling me I need to be a certain way. But I’m here to tell you, just keep doin’ you’ve been doin!
8. You are a unit now
Before making any decisions – big or small – I typically clear them with my husband first. Not because I feel like I need his permission to go anywhere, but out of respect, he should know and/or be a part of those decisions. You are a team and you need to treat it like that. Marriages don’t go far when one person is doing everything. You married your s/o because you knew they made a great partner, so make them a partner in everything. Have each others back, look out for each other, and work together. There is so much negativity in this world that will try to knock you down, but as a united front, you can face anything together.
9. Everyone will ask you when you’re having babies.
Before actually getting married I had no problem answering that question. I want babies relatively soon. Like stat. All my friends have the cutest babies and I just can’t wait to make my babies be besties with my besties babies. HOWEVER, now that we’re married and it’s an actual, real thing, I hate getting that question. Especially having many friends that are struggling with pregnancy right now makes it super scary. My new response has been “When God is ready for us to have one, we will.” I still can’t wait to have babies, but don’t ask me. When we’re ready we will give it a go and people will eventually find out. But until then, think about who you’re asking first. Many, many women may not talk about their infertility issues, but its a real thing and a real fear. So spare your questions and just stalk social media for an announcement like the rest of us.
10. ENJOY IT
I can’t speak for everyone but I loved being engaged. Everyone celebrated us all the time, there were constant parties, and I got to talk about our wedding stuff all the time. Now, it’s time to embrace this newlywed period. You only get to be newlyweds once, so revel in your love, enjoy each others company, and HAVE FUN!
